St Albans, Herts, UK
+44 (0)7811 484 673
You can also find me here...
Evolving EFT endings
For the last 10 years of my EFT work with clients I’ve ended the Setup at the Side of the Hand point with ‘I soothe and comfort myself’. For example,
Even though I feel worry when I think about meeting this deadline at work, I soothe and comfort myself
This is different to the traditional endings taught within the EFT community of I accept myself or I deeply and completely love and accept myself. Here are some reasons why I favour I soothe and comfort myself.
- I love and accept myself has a kind intention at its heart – the desire to acknowledge what is the essence of a healthy sense of self. However, when we are in the depths of an intense emotion it’s not always easy to say this, let alone believe this. This is particularly true for people when they are starting their work with EFT.
By forcing ourselves to say something we don’t yet believe we’re causing a break in the relief-giving element that comes with tapping. EFT has a visible and felt element of helping us let go of controlling thoughts and emotions that have been upsetting us. As we let go of managing these, our perception of them changes and evolves trending towards what is kind, tolerant and more peaceful. By putting a challenging idea in the mix we can make it harder work to let go.
- When we are hurting the notion of a kind and gentle space where we are supported in an unconditional way allows for us to relax more easily regardless of the intensity of the emotion. The words soothe and comfort offer an onomatopoeic reminder of what we’re seeking to do – bring relief. We’re not framing that relief in any specific way. By giving it broad space we don’t confine it to a particular outlook. We enable the client to feel into their own authentic version.
- By including the element of I’m soothing and comforting myself we enable the notion of self empowerment. EFT for a challenging issue is best done in the company of an experienced practitioner. However, the practitioner isn’t the one creating the change – they merely facilitate it. The person who is choosing to change themselves and find relief is the person being tapped on. Acknowledging the power that they hold to soothe themselves can be immensely empowering. This is all the more true where it has been an issue that has kept them ‘captive’ for some time.
- It’s always possible to start a session with ‘I soothe and comfort myself’ and as the emotion lightens to move towards ‘I love and accept myself’, if the client finds it helpful. Offering that freedom of choice allows for the client to direct their experience of relief without being constrained with any notion of ‘what is meant’ to happen within the process of deepening emotional relief.
At its heart, I love the breadth of freedom that ‘soothe and comfort myself’ offers. I can find a powerful voice of kindness in it as I deal with a challenging emotion. There’s no ‘push’ energy to conform to what I should be doing to progress with the issue. Just a sense of space that I can evolve as is best for me. That limitless freedom is empowering by its very nature. It’s also a rare find in the world we live in.
Healthy in Mind viewpoint: Choose an ending to your EFT Setup that feels right, rather than is right by other people's viewpoint. This will empower your finding of relief.